We Never Tortured That Child

Saturday, January 17, 2009 4:07 AM

So there is this whole noise about little Nigel. Some people where even saying that I was personally responsible for torturing that child. Well, I was nowhere near Chikurubi you know. I did not even about this kid until some smart alec decided to tell the world about this.


I admit it, we did torture the mother to get her to admit that she was a bandit for Morgan, but we did not torture the child, despite what that Denford Magora and those lawyers are saying. And even with the mother, it was not really torture, you know. You just smack them around a bit to show them who is boss. You can not call that torture. George Bush has done worse things.

So there you have another lie. Yes, the kid was in prison, but we did not touch him. We tortured the mother, I admit, but we are not doing anything George Bush has not done, you see. 

But the way this Magora fellow went on and on about it, you'd think we were the first to break a ring of bandits. My first-born son, Robert Junior, surfs a lot and he is the one who told me about this Denford Magora blog and you have to see what he wrote to believe it. If you want, you can go to his blog and see his article by clicking on these words.

That is where he started a petition for the little boy and all the white people went crazy signing up. I guess it proved to them that I was a dictator or an ogre. We will deal with that Denford Magora, I tell you. No, we will not torture him or arrest him, otherwise his friends all over the world who rushed to to sign his blog will have another cause. We will just find other ways to make his life hell, you see.

On another note, Morgan has messed up my week, you know. I was supposed to fly off to Russia this coming week. Tomorrow, in fact. But now I can not do that, because Morgan managed to talk the South African president and the Mozambican president to come through here and hear him whine even more about ministries he wants from me.

Tough luck. I am supposed to be on holiday and I can tell you that the meeting is going to be very frosty, because he is disturbing my peace, you know. I am supposed to be resting, and he wants to come here with vexatious and ill-informed demands. He should be grateful I am even talking to him. I could have ignore him. I could have sent the army out and simply declared myself president as per my election in June, which he chickened out of because he saw I was going to beat him black and blue!

Speaking of which, we did indeed beat some of his supporters black and blue. They do not want to listen. They are told not to vote for Morgan. They are told they will be beaten if they do so, and still they persist. So they got they just deserts. And I got elected.

YOU GOT BUSH?: ELECTED. I am no dictator and those who keep calling me that are getting on my nerves.

Still, all is well, Morgan has agreed with me that I can not be removed from power. He will have to come and report to me as Prime Minister if he agrees to go into government with me. If not, we will see if we can beat him up again like we did two years ago, get him to see some sense, you see.

Right, my entry for the day is done. Do drop by and take a look around. I expect I should be off to Russia by the end of the week and I will also be updating my diary from there. Maybe in Russian, if I can find a translator whom Comrade Putin has not had shot or skewered.

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