On Holiday, Yay!

Soooo, I am on holiday now, although it's not much of a holiday because my work is never done! I must just say that starting this diary was a very good idea, I think. My son, Robert Junior, suggested this. And he set it up all for me. He also does what he calls "configuring" for my iphone. It is a phone from Apples, apparently, although it looks all steel to me. I can't find anything connected with apples in it except an icon (Oh, sorry, Robert Jnr says it's called a logo).

Anyway, I was saying I am on holiday but it is not really a holiday. For example, I have to go off to Russia just now and see President Putin. Oh, wait, he is Prime Minister now, he put some guy in as President. It's like what I am trying to do with Morgan Tsvangirai, that British puppet (I prefer the term Brutish puppet myself). Did you know, he was training bandits to topple me?! Can you imagine that? Topple me!!?

I will also be joining the family in Malaysia where they will be on holiday. I will probably go to the beach, although I will never wear a swimsuit and I forbid my wife from wearing one. Our culture does not allow for us to parade around naked. But speaking of Morgan........

Anyway, to stay in power, one has to be pragmatic, you see, so I allow him to become Prime Minister and I remain in charge. I am getting on a bit, so he can see to the repairing of the economy that he destroyed CALLING FOR SANCTIONS, idiot! (I guess you can tell I am pretty pissed off about all this. Why call for sanctions on me and not on my friend Yoweri Museveni, for instance, who is just as bad? Or on Putin, in fact? What about my dear friend Mswati? Why pick on me? I'll tell you: it is because I took back land from their white children. But I am not going back on that one. I have just asked Didymus (he is a bit thick but useful when you want stuff done) to ensure that we give some of those white farmers 99 year leases. You should be hearing about this in a couple of week or so. But they will never get their title deeds back. Even Morgan agrees on that one.

And I got a call from President Motlanthe yesterday. Tsvangirai wanted a meeting with me, you see. He is afraid because we rumbled his banditry corner shop and thinks we are going to arrest him if he comes back. So he wanted a meeting to get reassurance.

I am not interested. Neither is Motlanthe. Comrade Mbeki is the mediator and Morgan must learn to deal with him instead of trying to undermine him.

Morgan is a bit thick, you know, like Didymus. He shouted at Mbeki, did you hear? And now he has got no friends in SADC. Whereas, in the same SADC, they are ALL my friends! Morgan (His name should be spelt Moron) has a lot to learn and I could have taught him if he was not so damned stupid that he allows little girls from America calling themselves Undersecretaries of State etc to order him around.

Anyway, my porridge is getting cold. I have to go. I eat porridge made from millet every morning, and I add peanut butter to it. I love peanut butter on everything, including biltong, which I eat with my sadza (South Africans call it Pap!)

I'll tell you more soon. Right now, I got to eat porridge, I am starving after my exercises (I do yoga as well as walking up and down the stairs at the house here in Helensvale every morning. It works a treat for my appetite!)

Cheerio, see you soon, Come back, you hear, or I will have my boys come round and talk to you. Ask Morgan, you don't want my boys talking to you.