My Diary

So there I was over Christmas with Bellamime and Robert Jnr and Bona and Grace, at home. And we'd just finished eating our roast turkey (the sauce was yummy). I don't much like all these other foods.

I like my traditional food. Grace will tell you I will only ever eat sadza made from millet flour, not maize meal (ugh). I also like my vegetables, so I enjoyed the peas Grace put together with the turkey. The second course was fish, which is a bit better. I remember going off fishing when I was younger, but sometimes I would lose the fishing rods from being engrossed in a book or somethin.

Right, I am assuming you know who I am. Half the world hates me and the other just loves me to bits. You may well hate me, but I'vr never let that bother me.

I had to fire a few ministers a couple of days back and it wasn't a tough job at all. Most of them had been camapigning for that little boy, Simba Makoni. But I still have a heart, you know - I waited until after Christmas to fire them.

And they also drive away in their ministerial Benzes, you see. They have a nice pension and all the rest of it and I know most of them had started businesses when they were ministers, so I don't feel guilty at all. In fact, I feel pretty damn angry. They are counter revolutionaries, backstabbers and idiots. I really ought to have arranged for them to be covered in honey and left on an anthill out in the Savannah. (Hwange Game Reserve is particularly nice this time of the year what with the rains and the whole place green and lush. 

So, as I was saying, I fired them and now I am waiting on that puppet of the British, Tsvangirai, to show up, so that we can get this show on the road. He is giving all sorts of excuses: oh, I need my passport, so we give him the damn thing, or I need that minsitry - so we give to him, oh, and that one as well........Good god, man, shut up! Do as you are told. After all, I am the president, I am your boss....

Oh, sorry, have to go, I need to catch the 9 p.m. bulletin on CNN, our local news, which starts at 8, is quite boring, I never watch it. I mean, they just repeat of footage of me as a young man and can't stop going on and on about me. Quite depressing. Despite my robuts health I am 84 years old , you know, and it really isn't nice to have to look at yourself when you were 55. Depresing, that's the word.

So if you don't mind, I leave you for a bit.

Check in anytime This is my diary, I will be sharing with you my thoughts and my life. Isn't technology wonderful? I don't know, I am 84 and I never imagined any of this. I even have a cellphone. I could have got a private jet if I wanted, but there is no point when I can take any aeroplane I want at any time from Air Zimbabwe.