The Sunday Times is not from Zimbabwe. It is from South Africa and it controlled by white imperialists. The black faces are just window dressing. So I am not surprised that they have a story in today's edition claiming that my wife transferred US92 000 to Malaysia for our holiday?
Can you imagine the cheek! Liars. Lying imperialist gutter press! Let me set the record straight right here right now, because my wife is inconsolable now, won't stop crying because of this insult.
The truth is that we have NOT transferred US$92 000 to Malaysia. That is a lie. In fact, we have transferred US$392 000 to Malaysia. My wife is quite upset, because all her First Lady friends will think her poor now. What is ninety-two thousand dollars? What can you buy with it? It is not even enough just for accommodation, for crying out loud? What do these people take us for, beggars?
So let that record be set straight. We are not poor people who expect to live on a mere US$92 000 on holiday overseas. We have standards to maintain. I am one of the elder statesmen in Africa and I can not be expected to rough it when I take a much-needed break. I hope you spread the word, you see. We can not have people telling such nonsense about us!
Zimbabwe will never be colony again.
What, simply because we are black you think we can only afford US$92 000? So that when we get to Malaysia to we can rough it? That money quoted by the Sunday Times is only enough maybe for a night or two of camping, not living as a president should.
And we'd have to eat bread and baked beans just to make that pitiful amount last the entire holiday. No, ladies and gentlemen, 392 thousand is what we got, so you can forget about seeing me running off to the ablutions block early in the morning at some campsite in Malaysia. It is the good life for me. I spent 11 years in jail and this is my time to live it up!
I thought I would tell you all this in case you believe those lies.
If you don't mind, I have to and supervise the packing. Our youngest, Bellamime, is a handful and he may well pack a couple of grenades while we are not looking. Last holiday he stole an AK47 from one of my guards here and put it at the bottom of his suitcase. He then produced it at the Presidential Palace in Malaysia while we were paying a courtesy call there. There was pandemonium in that place and he escaped being shot by those pesky Asians only because the Malaysian president thought on his feet and reacted quickly to the sound of cocking guns.
So I have to be off.
Cheerio.
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