An Update on Government, The Family and The Farms

Government business has kept me away for some time, but such is the life of a politician.

Today we heard from Morgan. He was telling the whole world about our little deal. I was sitting with General Chiwenga and Perance Shiri (his shoulder has healed now) in my office watching Tsvangirai on close-circuit TV (ours has sound).

Chiwenga could not stop laughing.

We got the Permanent Secretaries. We told Morgan that we will look into the appointment of Governors (as if!) and he announced that we had handed over 5 posts to his party.

I want to see who will swear them in.

I thought Tsvangirai would get the message when I told him that Bennett would be sworn when the Governors are sworn in. This is the same as saying he will be sworn in when hell freezes over.

Morgan dutifully announced to the press today that his friend would be sworn in when hell freezes over!

All my ambassadors will remain were they are.

Gideon Gono and Johannes Tomana are staying put. Tsvangirai can put that is his pipe and smoke it.

Still he appears happy enough. He really must just concentrate on doing the job of sorting out the economy.

Anyway, that's government. I win again and I remain on top. Go to SADC for them to moderate between us? I say bring it on. I know how to handle SADC. They are all my friends and they detest Tsvangirai. So I will be amongst friends, he amongst enemies.

Grace left yesterday for a flying visit to Bona. We are quite of the girl. She is doing very well at her University. The mother can not bear to be away from her for any period of time. She says she will go window shopping with Bona in Hong Kong and have tea or something.

I hope she finds someone to carry the windows back to Zimbabwe.

Robert Junior managed to sneak into a British Universiy under an assumed name. It is top university and only the Vice Chancellor knows who he is. It's lucky that I have kept my children out of media attention. No one will recognise him.

They will get a nasty surprise when he finally graduates. They will not be able to do anything about it then!

Chatunga (whom his mother insist on calling Bellamime) is doing well as Hartman College. It is a brilliant school and they were getting too happy, wanting to hike fees and so on and I immediately put a stop to that. The headmaster spent a couple of days at Matapi Police Station and that set him straight.

I have not heard anymore about increases in school fees after that.

As for my harvests, we got loads of maize this season. Joseph Made is still counting up the tonnes, but it will be a record-breaking year.

I am grateful to the South African for supplying me with 300 Rands worth of fertiliser and seed. It made the difference.

Tobacco we also got, although not in any spectacular amounts. It should be enough to pay for University fees and living expenses for Bona in Hong Kong for the rest of the year.

I am off to bed, today was a long day, so much strategising to do!

Oh, Robert junior says hello.

Tsvangirai Is In A Fix Ha ha ha ha and Update On The Family

When my son, Robert Jnr (I am quite proud of him and hope he will take over the family business when I am done) convinced me to to start this blog thing, I had no idea how hard it would be to keep it up!!

Anyway, I have been silent on this here blog for a month now, so I thought I would update you all.

I have been busy harvesting our maize, tobacco and other things at our various farms this month. April is traditionally the month of harvests in Zimbabwe and we are no exception.

There is the Norton farm, just outside Harare, on the way to our rural home in Zvimba, actually, on which we grow mostly maize and stuff. This has been very bountiful this year.

We managed to get more than 200 tonnes of maize. One of my workers claims that some of those 200 tonnes were confiscated from neighbouring white and black farmers by my manager in order to impress me with a bumper harvest. But I have no way to prove this, you see.

In any case, most of you know that Joseph Made, who was my minister of agriculture for the longest time and was quite hated by those racist Rhodesian farmers is my manager at my farms. I only provide moral support and, of course foreign currency to get these Zimbabwean operations going. Made does all the donkey work.

I don't pay him, since I have brought him back into government. He should be grateful for that and it appears that he genuinely is grateful. He has never asked for pay and I have never offered.

So it is fair deal from all indications.

Our Iron Mask Farm, which is in the Mazoe area of Zimbabwe is also doing well and I will be heading there this weekend, after the Worker's Day holiday in order to take a look around and see what has been harvested there.

On the government front, much was made of the fact that I "disemboweled" Nelson Chamisa's ministry (the word comes from that odious little man, Denford Magora, who is causing us all (including Tsvangirai) quite a few headaches with his attacks - he works for yet another odious little man, Simba Makoni, who I wish would just go away and stop making noise about his non-existent party).

Thing is, I am President, like I told Morgan. I can do whatever I want with ministries and ministers. He has to learn to accept this. But he is a bit thick so it will take several meetings to get this message to sink into his head.

I have even more shocks up my sleeve for him!!

General Chiwengwa, my Defence Forces Commander here in Zimbabwe, dropped by yesterday and was filling me in on the goings on in the army and air force and even the police and it appears all those branches of the uniformed forces are playing ball with us.

Morgan can go and sulk, I really do not care. We are going to make sure that he never wins another election. He he he.

As for the family, Grace is a bit under the weather, but I do not think it is anything that a bit of shopping in Singapore or Malaysia can not cure.

Our daughter, Bona, is back at University in Hong Kong. She is getting a very fine education there and I am happy about that.

What I am not happy about is this English boyfriend of hers, who has now set up camp in Hong Kong, according to the security guys. I have never much liked the British and my distaste for them grew after 1999 when that gay gangster, Tony Blair took over as Prime Minister. He corrupted the whole country and I am afraid I will never be able to visit Britain again, even if that unfair travel ban is lifted.

I will never be free in that country like I am here in Zimbabwe.

What sort of country is it that does not allow you to beat up anyone who badmouthes you, I ask?

Still, Bona will come round. It is always like this with these young ones!

Our last born is with us here in Zimbabwe and having quite a time. He is now back at school, where I had to tell the headmaster to go to hell because he wanted school fees in foreign currency.

I told him that we are in Zimbabwe and we will use Zimbabwe dollars for our school fees. If he does not like it, he can take a hike. Our foreign currency (forex, as the young ones call it), is only for Bona's school fees in Hong Kong, Grace's shopping and things like that. We would never waste it on a Zimbabwean education.

I am thinking seriously about getting Chatunga to attend an international school, but there are so many foreigners who hate me at these school and I fear for him. So, for now, we have to make do with the local schools, which have been destroyed by the unfair and illegal sanctions imposed on us by Britain and America.

Speaking of which, Barak Obama has already been in touch. He says his hands are tied, he can not lift the sanctions because the people who funded his campaign, some group of super-rich people who control the world and who call themselves the Bilderberg Group, won't have any of it.

I told him to do like I do, lock them up and throw away the keys: problem solves. But he started mouthing off about democracy and freedom (my mind switched off at the first mention of "human rights"), so I hung up on him.

I hear he has since complained to Jacob Zuma, the new South African president, that I am impossible!!

Well, I will not be losing any sleep over that.

Anyway, I hear the combine harvester starting outside: it is time to go and do some work!!!

I will definitely try to be more available to you. Robert junior (he is taller than me now!) says it is good to keep in touch more frequently, so I will try to do as he says!!

Cheerio, till next time.